SELF ESTEEM

Recently, I was romantically involved with a man I enjoyed immensely. Little by little, I began to fear FEELING GOOD. I started to wonder, “This relationship feels amazing, what will I do when this ends?” So, as a way to control the issue I found a way that I would self-sabotage the experience by rejecting him before he could reject me. He would tell me that he was falling in love with me and I would just blow it off and say to myself, “He can’t be serious, this is just something he is saying to play me. Once I let my guard down and believe him then I will be vulnerable and he can hurt me. So, it’s better that I just keep a little emotional distance so it won’t hurt as much when it happens.”

Later, in one of our conversations I told him that I was intentionally blocking myself from feeling his love and he was saddened. I have NO problem attracting a man into my life, but I have not yet sustained a healthy relationship. Shortly after, we had a discussion on self-worth, we both realized that I was suffering from low self-esteem Immediately, I identified with many of the signs of low self-esteem such as: ignoring my intuition, and rationalizing poor habits, being extreme and being hard on myself, having a hard time admitting ,as soon as I made progress I would stop and act against the thing I know to be true, having an automatic expectation of rejection, seeing people as a source of approval or disapproval, finding ways to end the relationship before my partner could reject me, giving up, not following through to completion, getting distracted or frustrated, telling myself I didn’t need to put out any content (value) since others were already doing it and talking about it.

 

Here's what he said to me,

• Low self-esteem feeds on negative thoughts so don’t indulge in self-criticism. Why are you waging war against yourself? 
• You can choose to please yourself It is good for you to care about others feelings but aren't your needs just as important? Don't neglect yourself!
• Don't try to be like someone else. This leads to lack of self-worth and confidence. You are unique and you cannot be someone else. Strive to improve but don't criticize yourself for not being as successful, beautiful, slim or as popular as someone else.
• Take life and yourself less seriously. Failure just means you are not successful YET. Everybody fails before succeeding; don't look on it as failure but as a means to learning. Perhaps you just need a change of direction. Problems make you stronger if you strive to overcome them.
• Self-worth and confidence increase when you focus on your needs and desires. You deserve to live life as you want. Wanting self-esteem is not selfish as long as what you want doesn't hurt others or prevent them from living life on their terms.
• Focus on your successes. Lack of confidence feeds on your feelings of failure and inadequacy. Remember the truly successful things you have done in your life. Reward yourself when you do succeed.
• Use visualization to help you achieve your dreams and increase your self-esteem!
• Focus on your strengths. Use them. You will succeed if you are true to yourself.
• Work at achieving your goals. If you do this your confidence will increase and you will feel positive.
• Your self-criticism will die to nothing as you will know even if you do not succeed you tried all you could. Do your best at everything you try.
• Feed your brain. Read inspiring books - they will really help you. Not just any books though, read the best

 

 

Believing in yourself is all about focusing on your strengths. You must be honest with yourself and be true to your feelings. Don't pretend to be anything that you're not and don't listen to others who try to convince you that you are wrong. Trust your intuition and your feelings to make the right decisions and decide today which direction you want to go.