YEEES !!!!!!!!!! I STOPPED NAGGING

If the charge is nagging, I plead guilty  and I admit to being a repeat offender. I'm not the only woman who's guilty of repeating herself again and again.  I've been nagging my husband of nearly four years from day one. Before we moved in to our home, he had never lived on his own. I felt it was my duty to school him on household tasks. And when they were overlooked, the nagging began.

Nagging is never just an innocent question, a friendly reminder or a calmly delivered statement. It comes with a accusatory tone and, as my husband will tell you, "that face." When slapped with a nag, his immediate response is to shut me out.
His casual attitude or silence would enrage me further. And suddenly I would be accusing him of laziness, insensitivity, even sexism, for expecting me to handle all of the household tasks on my own. Of course, after hurling these accusations at him, he would be angry, too. And then there we were, in the middle of a full-blown fight that began over a garbage can.
                                                   

That "nagging can become a prime contributor to divorce when couples start fighting about the nagging rather than talking about the issue at the root of the nagging," certainly rang true in my relationship.
That underlying issue, for us at least, is control. Because I work from home and (like many women) make maintaining the household my priority, I often feel like I have to control even his portion of the responsibility. This means that I am easily overwhelmed, which is the perfect starter fuel for a nagging fire.

                                                        

My best anti-nagging trick is text messaging. Most times  He responds much better to a text message reminder than to my frustrated tone and "that face."
I admit this isn't ideal. It sounds like I'm saying my husband and I communicate better via text message than in person. But we're talking about chores, not expressions of love and intimacy.
It has been about two months and things have been better between us since my nagging epiphany. Tasks are still dropped, but when they are, I remind myself that I am not perfect, and that I'm certainly not the partner I once was either. These days the house is messier, my hair is a little dirtier and I am not always present and available for quiet time with my husband. He has never complained about this, so why should I fault him for continually leaving the wire hangers from the dry cleaner strewn about the house?

When all else fails, I have my mantra to guide me through. Surrender control. Surrender control. Let it go. In the meantime, improving my tone and "that face" are on my to-do list.

  

Is your relationship suffering because of control issues? Learn to stop being hypercritical. Take Dr. Phil's advice and start to repair your relationship. 

 Do what works for the marriage, not what works just for you

There is no reality, only perception. What seems real and true to you isn't necessarily the same for your partner. Try to understand how your behavior feels to someone else. For example, you may feel that you're giving guidance, but your behavior may be interpreted as condescending.

If you're trying to change your partner, take a look at yourself. You may have your own issues to deal with.

 Don't white-knuckle your way through life. Let the natural flow of things happen, and your stress level will drop dramatically.

 If you need professional help, get it. Realize and acknowledge that the situation is out of control, and talk with somebody about it.

 Practice "thought-stopping." Whenever you feel the urge to nag, say, "I am not going to do that." Make a point of telling your partner when you're proud of him/her, too. Keep a good balance.

 Don't demand behavior; command it. You may be able to make your spouse kiss you hello each day, but that kiss will mean more if it comes on its own.

Parent/child relationships are doomed. A good marriage requires emotional integrity.